Friendship, in old age, can be a lifesaver. Keith Clark can attest to this. The 85-year-old retiree suffered a heart attack in a mall near his home in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, in 2019. He would have died then and there were it not for a good friend.
Clark’s day had started just like any other. He joined his two friends, Bill Winness and Ray Smidt – also seniors – on their usual morning stroll together in the Western Mall. The three friends had maintained a fond friendship in old age and usually took their walks together.
They took their usual route through the shops and restaurants, enjoying the bright April sunlight that drifted down from the overhead clerestory windows. They had been walking for about an hour when Clark suddenly felt dizzy.
He had to sit down for a moment. Not wanting to hold his two friends back from their morning exercise, Clark urged Winness and Smidt to continue walking without him. He would catch up, he told them.
After making sure that their friend had found a place to sit, Winness and Smidt continued their walk. They had not gone too far when a woman came running after them. Still breathless, the woman told the two that their friend, Clark, was a having a heart attack.

Having Good Friends Can Be a Lifesaver.
Winness and Smidt hurried back as fast as they could to where they had left Clark just a few minutes ago. They found their friend on the floor, clutching his chest.
Winness grabbed an emergency Automated External Defibrillator (AED) from the building and was quickly by his friend’s side. He had received training on CPR and the use of the AED, an electronic device that diagnoses a cardiac arrest, years ago. He knew the basics. That would have to suffice, he thought to himself.
“I guess you just do whatever you have to do, you know?” Winness told reporters later. “You don’t really think about it. “
Winness applied the adhesive strips to Clark’s chest and permitted the AED to determine what should be done. Clark had a pacemaker, and so the AED instructed Winness to give CPR. Winness started to give his friend chest compressions while a bystander called 9-1-1.
Winness’ quick actions helped to provide Clark’s brain with the oxygen it needed to keep his heart pumping blood through his body while they waited for emergency responders. This was vital to preserving Clark’s well-being, according to Scott Christensen, director of clinical service for the Sioux Falls Patient Care Emergency Medical Services.
“That time it takes for someone to call for help until first responders arrive, it’s important for someone trained in CPR to give that type of care and assistance,” says Christensen. “All of that together is what helped save Keith’s life.”
Clark was released from the hospital a few days later, happy to be alive, grateful for his two friends Winness and Smidt, and glad they had nurtured their friendship in old age.
Friendship in Old Age: The Value of Social Networks
Yet, to many these days, friendship in old age seems more like a puzzle rather than a clear line between life and death. Friends are harder to come by as you age, that is for sure. But most of us give little more than a passing thought to the quality and character of our friendships in old age.
That may have to do with the shifting value we place on our friendships over time. Depending on how we are feeling at the moment, our friendships can be either significant or irrelevant. The subject pops up occasionally – perhaps when we worry that time, distance, and the limitations imposed by our advancing years have diminished the value of our social networks.
Other than that, friends are at the bottom of the pecking order of our relationships. Grandchildren, children, husbands, wives, siblings, and parents come first. This is not only true of ourselves as seniors, but of science, as well. Researchers have only recently begun to take notice of the connections between friendship in old age and our overall well-being.
“In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn’t terribly well appreciated,” says Rebecca Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. “There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship.”
How People Learned to Nurture Friendships
Friendships in old age did not always have such a lowly station in the lives of older people or as a subject of serious learning. The social significance of friendship in classical antiquity is well documented. Both Confucius and Aristotle spoke reverently of associations that provide companionship well into old age, particularly as a source of moral guidance.
In prehistoric times, close friendships were essential for survival within mostly gender-separated social environments. Obtaining food and water often required hunting, gathering, exploration, and scavenging, all of which could be dangerous and labor-intensive. Having the support of a close-knit hunting team made the endeavor safer and easier.
Friendships facilitated mate acquisition and child-rearing in early human communities, as well. Researchers today say that early humans with strong social bonds were likely better adapted to raising children into adulthood.
“Friendships are an important class of relationships that evolved in response to the benefits of having additional people beyond family invested in one’s welfare,” says Debra Lieberman, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami.
Social Isolation Is a Modern Global Health Threat.
While modern supply chains have made the acquisition of the basic necessities of survival a far safer endeavor than it was 20,000 years ago, the need for friendships in old age has persisted. In fact, research shows that older people’s need for enduring friendships in old age has become markedly evident in recent years. So much so that in 2023 the World Health Organization (WHO) declared loneliness to be an urgent global health threat.
The organization launched an international commission to investigate the problem. The commission is led by the US surgeon general, Dr Vivek Murthy, and the African Union youth envoy, Chido Mpemba. The WHO’s declaration came after the COVID-19 pandemic halted economic and social activity, increasing levels of loneliness among older adults, and spurring a new awareness of the importance of friendships in old age.
“Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling – it harms both individual and societal health,” Murthy wrote in a published advisory. “It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death.”
Data from the University of Michigan’s National Poll on Healthy Aging indicates that the number of lonely older adults in the US increased from 27 percent in 2018 to 34 percent in 2023. Nearly half of Americans say they lost touch with at least one friend during the pandemic, according to a 2021 poll by the American Enterprise Institute.
At the same time, studies show that around a third of the 1.1 million people who died of COVID-19 in the US between 2020 and 2023 were people aged 85 years and older.
Loneliness in an Aging Society
Widespread social isolation among seniors is by no means an entirely American phenomenon. Before the pandemic, many older Australians reported feeling lonely, especially in the morning or evening.
“Australia is an ageing society, and loneliness and social isolation have always been real-life issues for older people,” says Judy Lowthian, a principal research fellow at Bolton-Clarke, a non-profit aged care organization in Australia.
But things began to take a turn for the worse for Australian seniors when COVID-19 gained a foothold on the continent in 2020.
On top of the isolation of lockdown, the restrictions upset the regular coping strategies of countless Australian seniors, including volunteering, engaging in community activities, and keeping themselves active in social clubs.
“You must understand that, for me, lonely is the norm,” says one Australian senior interviewed by researchers from the University of Monash. “Pre-COVID, I would get some respite by going out on activities, but the lockdown killed all of them.”
Nowadays, loneliness is a daily experience for one in five older Australians, according to the non-profit Aged Care Research and Industry Innovation Australia. This proportion rises among older people living in aged care facilities. The seniors that the researchers interviewed for their study spoke openly about how devastating loneliness can be in older people. “You get teary for the want of human company,” one senior Australian woman admitted.
Friendships Are Even Better than Diet and Exercise, say Experts!
Beyond detailing the anguish of social isolation, data from recent research also reveals that friendship in old age offers benefits far beyond companionship. One of the most striking revelations in the troves of data gathered by researchers in recent years suggests that larger social networks lower the risk of premature death among older people more than exercise or dieting alone.
For example, researchers from Flinders University in Australia published a study indicating that seniors who nurture more friendships in old age are 22 percent less likely to die within a 10-year period than those with fewer friends.
In Sweden, a six-year study of middle-aged men found that having more friends reduced the risk of heart attack or fatal coronary heart disease more than having a life partner.
“We need an entire community to feel whole,” says Marisa Franco, an author and a professor of psychology at the University of Maryland. “Being around different people brings out different sides of our own identity.”
Scientists have suggested multiple theories about the connection between friendship and better health. They say the association may be due to the fact that it is easier for healthy people to make friends. They are able get out more, for one thing. They have more energy to socialize, too.
Friendship in old age also appears to produce psychological consequences that support better health. This much was revealed in the results of a study conducted by researchers from the University of Virginia recently.
Many of the participants were intimidated by the prospect of climbing a steep hill in the study. But the researchers discovered that people who were standing next to a friend rated the hill less challenging than those who were alone.
In another study, researchers gave healthy volunteers nose drops containing a cold virus. To their surprise, they found that the volunteers who had more social ties were less likely to develop cold symptoms. These and many other research efforts have led scientists to conclude that friends help us cope with stress and anxiety – both of which can be detrimental to health.
Encouraging friendships in old age has consequently become a priority for government policymakers and aged care facilities in many countries.
4 Tips to Help You Keep Old Friends and Make New Ones
Of course, no amount of government policy can make friends suddenly appear at your doorstep. Friendship in old age can be complicated. As you age, your circle of friends shrinks, and your life undergoes big changes. One by one, your friends move or succumb to illness. You find yourself attending more and more funerals. It gets harder to muster the energy to socialize or even go out. Or you might be an empty nester, divorced, or widowed.
Whether you like it or not, friendship in old age requires effort on your part. You need to work on it more than you did when you were younger. That said, below are four tips to help you make new friends and maintain old friendships as you age.
Let Your Interests Guide You
If you’re trying to repopulate a dwindling pool of friends, start by remembering previous experiences. Try to remember how you met some of your closest friends. Did you volunteer to work in a political campaign? Did you enroll in a class? Were you playing a sport?
“Friendships are always about something,” says William K. Rawlins, a communications scholar and recognized expert on modern friendships. “Common passions help people bond at a personal level, and they bridge people of different ages and life experiences.”
Whatever your passion might be, someone shares it. Let your interests guide you toward people with whom you share something in common. Do volunteer work or take a course online. Join a committee at your local community center.
If you like gardening, participate in community gardening events and clubs. If you like to read, find a local book club.
Take the Initiative.
Friendship in old age requires initiative and intent. Most experts agree that the best way to make new friends and maintain those you already have is to be proactive. Trust your instinct when you meet new people.
“You don’t need to wait for anyone to reach out to you and take the first step,” says Amber O’Brien, a psychologist with the Mango Clinic in Miami. “Instead, become the kind initiator, even if you’re an introvert.”
You should also assume that people like you, says Franco. It turns out that human beings are exceptionally good at knowing when someone is a potential new friend. The problem is that we often underestimate how positively others think of us.
“People like you more than you think,” says Franco. “I know it’s scary to reach out but it’s likely to end more positively than your brain is assuming.”
Franco suggests that you start with a text message. Scroll through your phone and shoot a message to an old friend you’ve been meaning to reconnect with or a new acquaintance with whom you would like to build a friendship.
Express Your Appreciation.
If a potential friend reaches out to you and suggests that you meet for a cup of coffee or a pizza, tell them how happy you are they reached out. Be sure you tell them that you appreciate the effort, Franco says.
Researchers from the University of Utah asked college freshmen to keep track of certain activities with new acquaintances- like going to see a concert together or even calling just to say hello. After three months, the researchers concluded that close friendships were more likely to form when the new acquaintances openly expressed affection.
“When we don’t express affection, we are at risk of losing the friendship itself,” says Franco.
Invite a Friend to a Planned Activity.
If it is difficult for you to make time for friends, consider the tasks that are already on your schedule and invite a friend to join you. For example, the next time you go for a work-out at the gym, you could invite a friend to join.
“You do have to put yourself out there,” says Janice McCabe, associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College and a friendship researcher. “There’s a chance that the person will say no. But there’s also the chance they’ll say yes, and something really great could happen.”
Nurturing friendships in old age takes time. Frustrating as that might sound to a senior, there is simply no way around it. Some of your new acquaintances will turn out to be disappointments, too.
Not everyone will want to contribute the effort and patience needed to be a good friend. But do not let that discourage you. One good friend is worth a hundred failed starts.
Good Friends Are Worth the Work and Commitment.
Friendship in old age, like modesty and tolerance, is a concept which we all intuitively recognize. Yet as instinctive as they might seem, our friendships tend to fade without proper care and maintenance. That may come as a surprise to those who have become complacent in their friendships over the years.
But the bigger is how – over time – the experience of meeting old friends and making new ones tends to read like small vignettes about who we are, how we have changed, and what we have come to value most in life.
“Tell me who your friends and I’ll tell you who you are,” goes the old saying, suggesting that friendships – especially friendships in old age – reflect our own character.
We celebrate so many occasions in life, but besides the yearly commemoration of the day you were born, these celebrations are mostly about our conjugal and familial entanglements. We go to weddings, family reunions, and anniversaries.
We are a society that celebrates commitment and love – but only of the familial and romantic kind. Why are we not celebrating our friendships in old age with the same enthusiasm?
Studies suggest that it may well be that – by abbreviating the conventions by which we traditionally nurture our friendships –the age of social media has made it too easy for us to escape the hard work involved in being a real friend.
But without investing in face-to-face time and putting more of ourselves into our friendships than a few smiley emojis and “likes,” we lose the opportunity to foster those deeper friendships that just might make our lives more meaningful, happier, and healthier.
What do you think?